Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
- me: hi i'd like to place an order
- dominos: okay what can i get for you
- me: uhm hold on, hey babe you wanted a large pepperoni right?
- my empty apartment:
- me: yeah we'll get a large pepperoni
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
Thursday, May 23rd
- Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
- Friends: Don't forget to socialize
- Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
- Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
- Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
- Society: Don't forget to be perfect
- Tumblr: Fuck the world, they're peasants. At least you haven't murdered somebody today
- Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.
Thursday, May 23rd
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
- Me: Hello?
- Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
- Me: I have no mother.
- Her: Well can I speak to your father?
- Me: Yeah, which one?
- Her: Which one is home?
- Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
- Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
- Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
- Her: So who's Antonio?
- Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
- Her: So Carlos was cheating?
- Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
- Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
- Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
- Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
- Me: I never said that.
- Her: Yes, yes you did!
- Me: No I didn't.
- Her: Y-yes! You did!
- Me: Did what?
- Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
